angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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