Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
