This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
