hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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