i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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