She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jerry, you need to find god
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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