marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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