he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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