why didn't you poke me back
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just pee around me
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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