Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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