so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
