I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
