trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
