hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
