your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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