i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
as a side note pls kill me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
