My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
