So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
