did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
