He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
