i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
