I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
