HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
