I have demons in me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
