His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
love makes seman taste better
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
