I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
