She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
