I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
