Im at strip club and am horny
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
