Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
