She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
