home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
