if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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