I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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