I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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