His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
