Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Everclear isn't food dammit
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
