Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
