She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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