so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
