he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
