my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
