I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
