You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
