Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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