I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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