either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
