Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
