i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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