There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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