it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
