you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
birth control should be required to get into college
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
