i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
