It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
