if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
