If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
