I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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